Hi :-)))
I know it's been a long time since I last blogged.. Was it like during Bintan?? I don't know to be honest, but whatever it is I'm here to blog!
It's been the second day of the mid years, and 4 papers are down already. To no very very honest I have not much confidence in those papers e cause judging by the way I answered those exam questions I didn't really perform up to standard.
And I'm really really tired.
Before the start of the exams, when I was preparing for the papers I felt really really discouraged and tired. I wanted to just end my life then and there so I need not hang on anymore and suffer.
But then there were people telling me that I should continue to hang on and not give up. Which was quite true. I was the one who was determined to get this subject combination, and now I'm the one complaining. Who can I blame? No one. But myself. But it wasn't just me that wanted this combination. My parents also had a say in my subject combination. I obviously could not let my parents down . Because they have high expectations of me. And because of this, I was really stressed up that I sometimes I just cry myself to sleep. Not because of love, break ups and those , but because of all the stress accumulated in school.
I felt so broken, sometimes I feel like I'm a puppet of my parents. Their expectations of me are forcing me to do the things that they want me to. I don't blame them. I really don't. If I want to blame, it has to be me. I could not adapt well into the fast paced learning environment. It is me who needs to change. So that I can keep up with my school work.
I think now I'm getting better in coping with school, because now I can absorb information much quicker. And I thank myself for that.
I realised one thing.
When I'm grown up and I get married, and one day I has kids of my own and they also face a similar situation like mine, I will tell them my story, about how I hung on and not gave up, so that they will also persevere on and not give up. Just when they think that they cannot do it anymore, I will be there, to give them a helping hand, to pull them out of their distress. And I hope I will be a good mom by not forcing them on things like subject combination. But they have to be smart as well hahah.
Wow I sound... Wise haha I feel proud of myself now okay
And wow I realised how great it is to release all my frustrations just by typing a few words and yes I'm feeling so much more better and I'm going to hang on and win! :D
