Hi.
Not in a very happy mood today I would say. You know why?
BECAUSE I FREAKING FAILED AMATH. BY TWO MARKS. BECAUSE I WAS CARELESS. AND I WAS LAST IN CLASS. THE ONLY PERSON WHO FAILED. 100PLUS IN COHORT.
... and I studied so hard for it.
When I saw my score I was like 'someone please can someone stab me to pull me out of this shit I know this is a nightmare right someone please just stab me punch me slap me kick me scold me yell at me slit my wrists for me' all because I had never expected myself to get this score.
Just because I studied so hard for it.
But obviously studying Hard for it doesn't equate to extremely good results right.
Because it had very much proven to me that, no matter how hard you study, it still doesn't make me ( yes I think this only applies to me and me alone ) do well.
None of my scores hit 75. The highest was only 74. Can someone just kill me.
Goodness I feel like crying even as I type this.
It felt a whole lot more worse than when I got back physics.
It felt like a thousand a million a gazillion times worse.
All because I failed amath.
And because I was so careless, and my brain couldn't think of the correct solution.
I know it may sound like I'm some attention seeking slut or geek or whatever sails your boat, but. My eyes were tearing up when I got back the paper, and then halfway through I thought I was gonna cry and embarrass myself in class, but no I controlled the urge to just let my tears fall but no. During recess I went to Xuanting and started crying. I just kept crying and crying, and I didn't even care whether people were judging me or not. I was really really really upset. It felt as though I got betrayed. After studying so hard, this is what I get? Last in class? Really? Im not saying being last in class is bad but I am the only person who failed. I felt really really betrayed, like I just got stabbed in the back by my best friend, I felt really upset. I just kept crying and crying and I had no appetite. I was like, just let me starve to death. I just want to lock myself in my room and once again attempt to slit my wrists. I just want myself to do well, is that bad? I may sound like I'm some slut who is always heartbroken or whatever, but yes I did try to persuade myself to slit my wrists due to certain reasons which I'm obviously not gonna talk about. Yes I do want to slit my wrists and just die.i don't know. The society is judging me. The world is judging me. Everyone is judging me. Who else doesn't judge? I think even my 7 year old sister has learnt how to judge.
I guess I just sound like some depressed bitch who is trying to gain attention. But no I definitely not want attention, it's too troublesome. If you don't want to read such crap, guess what. You can always not visit this website ever again. As simple as that.
Bye.
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